Turning Away Wrath

“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness” (Proverbs 15:1, 2).

— Tom Ruggirello

We often underestimate the power of words. They express feelings of love, hate, and a range of emotions in between. Words can start wars or encourage peace (James 3:5). Through them, we express our beliefs, desires, and intentions. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof” (Proverbs 18:21). In other words, the “fruit” of a person’s words will have consequences for the one speaking them. Knowing that our words reveal the condition of our heart, we can see that governing the tongue is an essential part of guarding the heart.

The Power to Build Up or Tear Down

Proverbs 15:2 describes how the tongue of the wise uses knowledge. This simple statement suggests that anything we say must first be true. Stating what is known to be false reveals an impure motive. But factual statements can also be hurtful. The Apostle Paul understood that even truth often needs to be tempered. “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man” (Colossians 4:6).

Words spoken “with grace” add another dimension to what we say. Two identical statements can have opposite effects on a listener. When spoken in harsh, angry tones, a comment may elicit a defensive, angry response. But when spoken in a concerned and caring voice, the response will generally be better received. It is the “soft,” or tender, answer described in Proverbs that is more productive. So even the tone of voice can build up or tear down. This principle is rarely considered in a world that increasingly uses harsh, critical words.

The phrase “seasoned with salt” is meaningful. Salt is a natural preservative and is used for purification. Jesus said, “Ye are the salt of the earth” (Matthew 5:13). In other words, the Gospel Age church has a purifying effect on those around them. “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Proverbs 12:18, ESV). Profitable words nurture spiritual health. True words, when spoken fitly, tend to uplift others.

Encouraging Words

A radio host named Bernard Meltzer is credited with the following statement: “Before you speak, ask yourself if what you are going to say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful. If the answer is no, maybe what you are about to say should be left unsaid.”

Not only is it important to refrain from degrading others, but it is also a Christian’s duty to encourage others as best they can, especially those who have accepted the high calling. The Narrow Way can be challenging and, at times, even discouraging. One’s pure desire for faithful service is often met with human failure. Relying on the merit of Christ to cover one’s shortcomings then becomes a common theme. Balancing the ideals of consecration with the reality of our sinful natures can be difficult.

The word “encourage” originates from an Old French term meaning “to make strong” or “to hearten.” Brethren walking the path of self sacrifice often need to know that they are not alone. Seeing that others face similar struggles is helpful. Encouraging words from fellow pil-grims tend to lighten their load and strengthen bonds between brethren.

After telling Peter that he would soon deny him, Jesus said, “But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren” (Luke 22:32). Those words resonated with Peter only a few hours later as he wept bitterly after realizing he had denied one he loved so much (Matthew 26:75). But imagine the power of Peter’s testimony when he later told brethren that even after denying the LORD, he was forgiven and valuable to God.

Every failure can be a learning experience. Peter was a remarkable example of that principle, and his story has spoken to many consecrated hearts. Stumbling is not failure when it becomes a learning experience. Jesus’ reassuring words became Peter’s road to recovery. Remembering that Jesus had prayed for him was a constant source of strength that Peter carried with him throughout his entire life. We, too, need to know that others care for us and want us to be faithful. That knowledge can be a great source of strength.

We Should Judge Ourselves

“If we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged” (1 Corinthians 11:31). “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh” (Luke 6:45).

It is sometimes difficult to know our own motives. If our words tend to be negative, we may be inadvertently seeking to criticize. Spoken words are often an indication of one’s heart condition. Evaluating our words can help us judge our hearts, an essential exercise for character development. Of course, such an evaluation can be taken too far, and we can become overly critical, even of ourselves. So, a proper balance of honest appraisal and understanding God’s provision for our shortcomings is needed.

Believers have a significant advantage over the world. As we evaluate our words, we can measure them against the perfect standard of Christ. The goal of every consecrated heart should be to reflect the standard set before us. Our very words, then, can be a tool for growth. Character development is generally slow and steady, and the LORD is looking for our best effort, not perfection.

Heart Intent

“A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things” (Mat-thew 12:35). Controlling our words is clearly a scriptural admonition. But even more important is keeping watch over the thoughts we allow ourselves to dwell on. The goal for every believer should be to praise the LORD not only with their lips, but also with their heart. If praise and thanksgiving are in the heart, the words will flow more naturally.

When dealing with troublesome individuals, a helpful approach may be to see them through the eyes of God and of what He will one day make of them. Knowing God’s Divine Plan of the Ages provides a wonderful perspective on how people will grow under the influence of God’s kingdom. Imagining the good that will develop in others, as their negative qualities are reduced and eventually overcome, can be beneficial in responding to others. Paul himself may have used this invaluable approach when confronted by his enemies.

When Criticism Becomes Necessary

“But when Peter was come to Antioch, I withstood him to the face, because he was to be blamed” (Galatians 2:11). Not wishing to offend his Jewish brethren, the Apostle Peter separated himself from the Gentile brethren in their presence. Paul was compelled to confront Peter publicly for this. Paul likely felt it necessary to do so in the presence of both groups, since his message related to each group differently. The Jews should not think of themselves as superior to their Gentile brethren. The Gen-tiles should understand that they were on equal footing, since justification came through the merit of Christ and not the Law. It was an important teaching moment that became a foundational truth for the church.

Peter’s response is not recorded. This suggests that he understood the criticism and accepted the rebuke. His love and respect for Paul are clearly evident in the closing words of his second epistle (2 Peter 3:15, 16). It sets a meaningful example that even an apostle can accept and learn from criticism. The problem likely would not have been resolved without Peter’s prompt response. An unemotional evaluation of criticism may be difficult but hurt feelings must be set aside before any benefit can be gained.

Heart intent is also essential when sharing criticism. Paul desired to correct a wrong taking place in the church. Once addressed, he did not belabor it. Neither did he use personal attacks. He addressed only the issue at hand. Whenever criticism becomes necessary, one’s intent in offering it must be to uplift and edify.

In the Home, at Work, in the Ecclesia

“Let no unwholesome words ever pass your lips, but let all your words be good for benefit-ing others according to the need of the moment, so that they may be a means of blessing to the hearers … Let all bitterness and all passionate feeling, all anger and loud insulting language, be unknown among you and also every kind of malice. On the contrary, learn to be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ has also forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:29, 31, 32, Weymouth).

The apostle’s advice suggests that we have more control over our thoughts and feelings than we realize. Anger stems from the heart and unwholesome words come from unwholesome thinking. While improper thoughts can be overcome, it requires a more concerted effort than merely controlling the tongue. The Apostle Paul counseled the LORD’s followers to bring even their thoughts into conformity with what Christ taught. “The weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds; casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:4, 5).

Paul made it clear that we battle against imaginations, or the reasonings of the flesh. Casting down hurtful thoughts can only be accomplished by replacing them with positive, upbuilding ones. Recalling a recent study discussion or a truth we have been learning helps not only control our thoughts but also deepen our focus on godly principles.

“Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the LORD” (Ephesians 5:19). This advice is generally applied to times brethren meet together. Yet, singing a mental hymn or reading a psalm can replace the imaginations of our fallen flesh.

At times, one’s home life offers a different environment for controlling the tongue. We naturally tend to be more open to speaking freely and sharing opinions more readily with our own family. But here too, we should be on guard to allow only thoughts and words that edify.

Soft Answers in a Harsh World

It is difficult not to be affected by one’s surroundings. Today’s world is often harsh and unforgiving, critical of those with different ideas. The world does not recognize or use the tools the LORD has provided for controlling thoughts and words. Believers who do not want to follow that downward path must consciously take control of their thoughts and words. In this way, a soft answer is not merely a matter of good manners, but evidence of a guarded heart. When correcting others becomes necessary, one’s motive must be to correct the wrong, not to demean the individual. A soft answer will more often bring the best response and more perfectly reflect the love of God.

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things” (Philippians 4:8).